The Buzzard vs. a Sober Curious Beer Lover

I biffed it. One of the hardest times to not drink is when I'm home alone, and I'm alone all week this week while my partner is out for a work. The buzzard doesn't really come at me as hard, when he is here. Drinking, two days in a row, and I went harder last night. I'm starting this blog at 3am, and I'm awake feeling hung over already and sitting with a case of the regrets. There is a storm in my gut. There is so much I wanted to do today, and it is going to be that much harder. I wanted good sleep, so I could get a ton done before my first meeting of the day. I wanted to get up early enough to run before it gets hot, but I think that is going to be hard and painful. I hadn't been counting days in these posts, because I've been stringing together some sober days at a time,  as I work up to a Dry July. I didn't have a great streak, but maybe that is something I should prioritize. I think I need to start counting now. June 24th here we go. This relapse is...

While I'm trying to figure out for myself what I want my relationship to alcohol to be, one of the things that scares me is telling people. There is a difference between telling people why you've quit vs just that you aren't drinking. Having to talk about the why is part of what scares me about committing to a forever sobriety. Right now, if it comes up I'm just saying that I'm not drinking today, or right now. Because of the pandemic, I'm not really around too many people so it isn't something I've had to confront. My partner is an obvious exception to this pandemic isolation. We live together and so if felt necessary to say something. I've told him that I'm not drinking because (he already knows) I need a exercise to stay happy and I need a goal for my training to exercise (true) so I've picked a race in a few months that hasn't been cancelled yet (true) and that because it is so hot in the place where we live, training early in the ...

Part of the myth of alcoholism is that you need to hit some kind of rock bottom in order to make a change. You can always find a few things that you haven't messed up yet as a way to prove you don't have a problem. This narrative makes it super easy to avoid facing your truth. So, as with many of the sober-curious folks out there I'm not using alcoholism to describe my situation. So straight to the spilled tea, on my worst days I'd have maybe 4-5 drinks. Perhaps I'd start with a beer at "lunch." But, lets be honest when you are working remotely like I do, I don't really take a distinct lunch break. So more honestly it looks like getting a case of the hungries, opening the fridge to uninspiring leftovers, and deciding to pour a beer into your coffee mug as you and continuing to tap away at your tasks. The beer buzzard says, "Look at you! You've been working since 7am, and this little act of rebellion is exactly the way to treat yourself! The be...